Wake Up

If you're reading this, then congratulations, you've caught me in rare form this evening. I'm not thinking about politics right now. I'm thinking about the relationship between the mind and this "reality" that we experience, the "why"s and "how"s of existence. I'm thinking about The Secret, about awakening, about nirvana.

Today has really been just one of those days. I was irritable and sad, nothing went right, you know the sob story. I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office this afternoon, reading some of Rene Descartes' work. With regards to philosophy, I'd not yet gone beyond Kafka's Parable. It got me thinking about perception. The whole "life is an illusion" bit. Descartes made mention of the equality of all minds; we are all born with the same intellectual capacity. So what is it that debilitates some in this respect? Is it really that ignorance is bliss? If life is simply a figment of our imagination, a thing of great and terrible power, then I suppose it would seem a desirable course of action to simply not think, not imagine. Being a Buddhist, I know that that would do me no good, of course. I think of the over-simplicity of Christianity; it must be easier to be told than to tell. If life is a result of imagination, then instinct cannot exist. It comes down to thought, to reason, to abandonment of reason, to a whole new standard of logic. The connection? Our mind itself reflects our thoughts, full-circle, if all aforementioned is the case.

A short while after this conversation played out within myself, a friend reminded me of the secret. Yes, I'm referring to the famous book/movie/alleged financial ripoff. Honestly, the first time I read it, I assumed it to be the latter. That doesn't mean I completely agree with it now: there are certain things, the things you can actively control, that you must pursue with vigor and enthusiasm rather than simply sit there and think happy thoughts. That having been said, the happy thoughts are oh so important. I have a reputation for following through on everything, even the things that no one thought I could do. I got 30k per year in academic scholarships alone as the first in my family to even attend college. I convinced an entire class of the concept of reincarnation with the reading of one three-page essay, as promised. And I'm finally finding to make my lifelong dream of studying abroad come to life. I depart for Berlin in May. My point? Look at my bedroom walls. Quotes that inspire me, paintings and murals of places I want to go, speeches of people I emulate and pictures of events that I hope to experience. To take to college, I have a picture of the Dalai Lama, a photo I took of my beloved city of Boston, and a photo I took on that same trip of the Harvard Library during commencement weekend. I am a visualizer. If I put something in writing, paint, or frame, then I mean business. This is the Secret in action. It works every time I've employed this method.

But is it bad to desire enlightenment and nirvana, if the root of my suffering is my desires? It's my greatest wish to no longer feel, not sorrow, not joy, not anger, not curiosity, just peace and nothing more. I imagine nirvana as a sort of final incarnation as, say, a waterfall or something. To have quiet observance, void of life and consequence, just to float along and be beneath the sky. To imagine this, to visualize this, grows my desire deeper. The masters say that you mustn't be seeking enlightenment, but only to practice the path. Obviously, contradicting the Secret. I don't want another incarnation. I am tired.

I don't even want to know how old I am when I figure this one out. But this I already know: tomorrow is going to be a great day.

The Only Thing That Stays the Same...

...Is Change.

I leave for college one week from tomorrow. I leave this town, this house, these people, the only people, places and things I have ever known. I go to live with people I've never met from all around the country and the world. I'll have to do my own laundry, my own grocery shopping, and monitor my sleep schedule, whilst taking advanced classes and maintaining good enough grades to keep my honors scholarship and possibly get me into Harvard Law. And I can't wait.

I've developed the most immense zest for learning lately. I'm studying my calculus textbook (I haven't taken math in two years), reading Deep Economy for a discussion at orientation, and am glued to MSNBC at night. Between socializing with the friends I will soon leave behind, I put myself in the most educational situations I can manage. I have grown to love this fear of failure that has gripped me. I cannot fail.

Ah Healthcare Reform, long time, no see. Actually, It's Nice to Meet You. After last weekend's "no more public option" scare, I was worried. Democrats, THANK YOU for not giving in. THANK YOU for putting your feet down and publicly refusing to vote for a bill without the public option. This is a great day for progress. At any rate, I am curious to know what sparked the hesitation from President Obama. Clearly, the Democrats have a large enough majority that the Repuclicans are, if not virtually powerless, in no position to filibuster. I'll see what Ms. Maddow has to say on the subject tonight. At least we're hearing a bit less about the fear-mongering fake-grassroots nonsense. (Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann did great exposés about the conservative-led lobbyist groups that really catalyzed this unAmerican movement.) I'd like to emphasize a point made by Olbermann last night: Obama needs our support now as much as he did in the election. Stick to your guns, Mr. President. This public option really is Change We Can Believe In.

I'd also like to emphasize the importance of education, not just for students in this sense, but for every American. We can prevent ourselves from being used by the fear-mongerers if we investigate for ourselves what we are being fed. Don't stick to one point of view (cough Fox News cough cough) because then you lose true perspective. No one is trying to kill Grandma.

In an effort to educate myself on local policy structure, I attended our town's Republican caucus with my Republican parents last night. (Of course, they didn't know when the Democratic one was, not that I would still be here anyway.) I walked into the building and was promptly led down a line of guys in suits who shook my hand and and handed me pamphlets and said "I'd appreciate your vote on November 3rd." As a newly registered Democrat, I felt like an underage kid at an R-rated movie; I had to remind myself that I was there to observe, not vote. It was boring. They were all unopposed within their party, and there were lots of "Aye"s and no "Nay"s. My father had told me that if you weren't a Republican in this tiny town, you basically had no say in the way things run. I saw this was true-- you could tell these people were not at all worried about any Democrat opposition, citing their values as the reason they always won elections.

Now I know that's a fairly benign statement, but really, Democrats don't have values?

Time out: Deep Economy, the book I'm reading for college, talks a lot about local economies and communities as solutions. This sparks a rather primal response in me-- could it be disgust? When I think of the worlds "community" or "local", I tend to associate that with my ultra-conservative hometown. I know that's wrong; some communities are very accepting and more progressive. I think this place has fed into my own personal hyper-individualism. When I hear "local", I don't want to think about church-going farmers who bad-mouth the political figures I admire. Why would someone like me want to stay here?

Maybe others react the same way that I do. Maybe our intolerance of our differences encourages separation of conservative and liberal in the demographical sense. But hey, if anyone can come up with an alternative solution to that rationale, let me know. My point is that we need to accept that we're all trying to do the right thing. We ALL have values, no matter our political leanings. The democrats are not trying to destroy your small businesses, an the republicans are not trying to put people on the streets by denying them affordable healthcare. We all have motives, but they are generally not at all malevolent in nature.

Hello, My Name Is Lindsey

First blog entries are always awkward.

I decided to start blogging after receiving massive amounts of feedback from posts on MySpace and Facebook regarding controversial topics. About half of these responses were very positive and very encouraging; the other half were arguments posed by the conservative members of my hometown. I must say, I enjoy both.

I would say that my biggest political influences are Keith Olbermann and of course, Rachel Maddow. I am an MSNBC junkie, I read Rochester's Democrat and Chronicle (though at this point, I'm not quite sure why), and I'm a big fan of the New York Times. I prefer BBC World News to American news programming. Which brings me to another point: At times, I am extremely critical of the United States. I believe that our nation, as a whole, is not headed in a favorable direction (though I think our government finally is). This does not mean I hate my country. America can be a wonderful place. This is my version of "tough love".

Allow me to outline my views:

-democrat/liberal

-feminist

-pro-choice

-I feel that separation of church and state has a LONG way to go.

-I am very passionate on the subject of gay marriage. I will fight tooth and nail (so

to speak) for my rights.

-Zen buddhist

-vegetarian

-100% nonviolent

-existentialist

-utilitarian

-I tend to get very frustrated with conservatives and Christians, for obvious reasons.

That basically covers it for now.

I love to debate, but be warned, I make sure I know my stuff. I have a deep desire to help others and to make the world a better place in a very big way. I will post every day that I can, but I fear that frequency will dwindle as college begins.

Until tomorrow,

Lindsey Johnson

P.S. Happy Birthday, Mr. President!